cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
