Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
