I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We need a shit load of segways right now
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
