why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
