Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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