On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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