i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
