Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
