i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
