I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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