It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
