I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
