shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
