ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
