My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize