My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
