can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
