her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
