my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
