As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
