I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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