i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
