Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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