Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize