I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
