i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
3pm strippers are depressing
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
