hell yes lets make some ravioli
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
