i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
