remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
