They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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