Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
