VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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