I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize