Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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