I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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