i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
