Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
