is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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