I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
