That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
