How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I will be naked everywhere
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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