you didnt know i had herpes?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
