Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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