Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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