im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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