when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
