Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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