Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't deserve a penis
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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