I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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