You can't special order awesome
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
