He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
