I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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