he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize