My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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