Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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