I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
