eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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