The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
