They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
