you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Drake has all the answers
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
