I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize