She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
