16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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