Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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