I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
