hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You dont lie about slip and slides
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
