If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so let's talk penis.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize