May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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