last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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