I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
