so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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