I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
