we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize