Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
