It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
