Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
