1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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