I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Drunk is a universal language darling
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
