i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
