i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize